I Love Someone Else!

indecision

I have had a crush on an absolutely amazing woman for some time now. Physically, she is not necessarily my type, but she has a beautiful soul; and that is what draws me to her. We do not communicate as often, but that does not keep her off of my mind. No matter how many different women I date, she always seems to find her way to the forefront of my thoughts. I am currently seeing a young lady at the present time, nothing official yet.  When we’re together I talk about “Angie” all the time. I talk about her so much that my girlfriend wants to meet her. She thinks that there is something going on between us. I wish! Now that she mentioned it, I think I love her, Angie that is.  Seeing that I can’t have her, I’m trying not to let my feelings for her ruin what I have now; but I love someone else! Now I don’t know if I should say anything to my girlfriend about my true feelings. What to do, what to do!

I lost Another Friend

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I recently reconnected with an old friend of mine that I’ve known for some years now.  For purposes of this blog, let’s call her Jane.  As we were catching up, my phone rang. At the end of my conversation, I said “I can’t wait to see you too”. After my conversation ended, she smiled and asked “Who was that”? Without thought or hesitation, I turned said “Oh that’s Ashley, it’s not official yet”.  Jane started to ask more questions like are we dating, but it was not until after the second question that I realized that she didn’t know that I was gay. I told her that I am gay and she paused. She wasn’t saying anything, so I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t tell how she was taking the news. She sat silent for at least 2 minutes. Finally I asked “What are you thinking”? All she said was “so you’re gay”? I said yes and I guess she didn’t hear me the first time because she kept asking over and over as if she expected my answer to change. There was another long pause. I told her if she was uncomfortable with it to just let me know, and that I wouldn’t take it personally. Once I put that out on the table she said she “this” was too much for her to handle. I said I understand, there were no hard feelings and I meant that. I expected her to be caught off guard, but not to the point where she would want to end our friendship of over 11 years. I didn’t know that being straight was a friendship requirement. For the folks that chose not to continue their relationship with me on the sole fact that I am a lesbian, I don’t care. I don’t care what you have to say about it. At the end of the day, it’s my happiness!

I Know You’re Gay!

Last night one of my friends came out to me. I have not known her for long, but we get along really well. It was obviously an uncomfortable conversation for her to have. I let her say what she had to say. When she finished, I laughed and said “I know”. I wasn’t laughing at her, I was laughing at the situation. She knows I’m gay, so it was just surprising that she thought I wouldn’t pick up on her. She kept asking “How did you know”? I told her “It’s called ‘gaydar‘ sweetie”. We had a good laugh about it. I thought it was hilarious!

Therapy is Good for the Soul!

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At my lowest time when I felt as if I was alone and there was no one to talk to about how I felt, I started drinking a lot. Every day I would leave work, go home and drink until I broke down and started crying. Most of the time, I had no idea why I was crying, I just did. When the liquor stopped masking the pain, I turned to a friend who suggested I see a therapist. Of course I resisted, because that’s not something the typical Jamaican did. We don’t go to psychologists and bare our souls. She flat out told me to get over it! After more resistance, I caved in and went. I’ve never told anyone else this, but I went to my first session, sat in the parking lot and cried. To this day, I am still unsure why I was crying. Needless to say, I was terrified. I walked in, sat on the couch, and that that moment I realized that I was making the right decision. I think that was the first time I ever said the word ‘lesbian’ out loud. Let me say, that I walked out of that first session feeling as if the world was lifted from my shoulders. I spent over a year in therapy and it was worth every minute of it. It played such a pivotal role in the person I am now. That experience taught me to accept me for who I am, and not worry about what other may say. Best decision I have made to date, and I’m so thankful I did.  For those of you that feel as if you need to carry this burden around, you don’t.  You may not feel comfortable taking to someone close to you or someone you know personally.  If that’s the case, talking to a therapist is a great idea.  It worked for me, and I’m confident that it will do the same for you. To the person that forced me to go to therapy, if you are reading this; “Big ups mi boss!”

Children are not Garbage to be Thrown Out

Originally posted on Thru Red, Gold & Green Spectacles:

Through RGG Specs RASTAFARI REPARATIONS        The topic this week is Reparations, about which I am famously (and infamously!) known for having written “Forgive Slavery, Forget Reparations” – a 2006 article that gained me not only further notoriety, but my first death threats. I had begun my article with the firm statement that the call for reparations was completely justified due to the horrors of the trans-Atlantic trade in Africans, their inhuman and brutal enslavement in the Americas and the free labour that developed and enriched Europe for 300 years. If ever there was a just cause, it was the need for a retribution – even perhaps revenge – for a most terrible act against humanity, it was for slavery. The call for Reparations is a basic principle of the Rastafari faith, whose principles I accept. JARM logo (2)

But, having taken up the Reparations banner from 2001 to 2007 in my effort to…

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I was Deceived!

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Good Day. I was talking to a girl on what’s app for a while and we decided to meet up. We talk about freaky things and stuff. She told me to come over to her house one day. She meet me outside the gate, and right before we go inside she tell me she have a bf. She ask me if it was ok for him to join. I told her no, and she curse me so bad. She still link me as if nothing happened. She still want me to come over her house because her bf not going to be there. I don’t believe her, but I like her. What should I do?

GJ: Right now you are listening to your heart and not using your head. Your friend is obviously being deceitful. Some women do it to fulfill their boyfriend’s fantasies. It’s sad, but you have to be aware of these things. Where do you think this relationship will go if it started out on a lie? Once you know the answer to that question, you will know what to do. Good luck on your journey.

Turned On by a Woman at the ESPA, Riga

Originally posted on Bucket List Publications:

ESPA Riga, Latvia

I’m no stranger to massages. I’ve had more than a handful in the last two years. Normally, I lay on the table wondering if I should have established a safe word. The answer is usually “yes.” No need this time; she knew exactly the way I like it… maybe even a little too much. Admittedly, I was turned on by the female masseuse at ESPA, Riga. I left thinking if this is what massages are suppose to feel like, Darren is not allowed to go anymore. 

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Gay Jamaica-Uncut

Are Gays any Differend from Salves?

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With the continued struggle for gay right being fought around the world, I thought it was only right that I put my two cents in. It wasn’t too long ago that we as black people were told that we were the sub species and were not entitled to the same rights as other human beings. As a member of both the black and gay community, I find the similarities from both issues eerie. Like gays, blacks were not allowed to get married.  We could cohabitate and raise children, but there was no legal status. Once again, the cycle has repeated itself.  Gays are now second class citizens.  We are not ‘normal’. Why are we not entitled to the same rights as others if we are all governed by the same laws? They might as well put shackles on us and use us for barter. Much like the fight for civil rights for black Americans, the fight for gay rights around the world is not or will be an easy one. I commend each and every single activist that are fight day in and day out. I for one would not be able to be who or what I am today without them. We are definitely not the sub species and let’s keep fighting the good fight. @equality_JA

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